Differences Between Love and Attachment

 You might feel like you can’t live without them. Is it really true love, or the nearness of them that you’re falling for?

love and attachment

Difference between love and attachment

How you feel and act in the relationship is probably the best indicator of whether the strong emotions you feel are love or attachment.

Love evokes fond feelings and actions toward the other person, particularly. Attachment is driven by how you feel about yourself with the degree of permanence and safety someone gives you, based on your past relationships.

In other words, with love, your person is “the one” you have feelings for. With attachment, your significant other could be replaceable, it’s how they satisfy your needs that gives them your attention.

Emotional attachment vs. love

A 2020 study of 83 young adults who claim to be “in love” described the differences between infatuation, emotional attachment, and love.

Study authors explain:

• Infatuation is an all-consuming feeling that quickly and intensely flourishes at the beginning of love. It can be positive or negative, with features including:
  • anxiety
  • euphoria
  • nervousness
• Emotional attachment is a positive, comforting feeling of bonding that develops gradually, with features including:
  • calmness
  • comfort
  • happiness
  • security
• Love is a multifaceted concept, marked by a combination of infatuation, attachment, and cognitive changes, with features including:
  • heart pounding (physiological affects)
  • caregiving (behavioral affects)
  • euphoria and anxiety (mixed feelings)
  • enhanced attention toward, and memory of, beloved-related details (cognitive affects)

Love, defined

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), love evokes the following feelings:

• deep fondness
• happiness in the beloved’s presence
• commitment to the other’s well-being
• awareness of how words and actions affect the love object

Love comes in many forms:

• sexual
• platonic
• parental
• partnered

This 2021 review of romantic love develops a working definition. Romantic love:

• occurs at all stages of life
• spurs behaviors reflecting a desire for long-term mating with the subject
• helps people choose and attract partners, engage in sex, and become couples
• frequently turns into a deeply committed relationship, even if sexual companionate love fades

Attachment, defined

The APA describes attachment as originating in the bonds between babies and their caregiversTrusted Source. As adults, the impulse to seek out relationships that feed your needs remains.

Attachment refers to how you relate to others. Your earliest bonds highly influence your relational style, including:

• what you expect from people
• how you interpret relationships
• how you behave in relationships

There are four attachment styles:

• anxious attachment
• anxious-avoidant attachment (marked by a volley of panic and withdrawal)
• disorganized attachment (marked by a frequently unpredictable and disruptive infant-parent relationship)
• secure

The top three are referred to as insecure attachment styles. Ideally, secure attachment leads to love in a healthy relationship.

This reviewTrusted Source of emerging evidence suggests that attachment needs may guide the selection of partners more than the feeling of having found love.